From time to time I will receive emails from fans, asking if I have a recommendation for a book or website, that they can go to for help with a certain problem/challenge in their life.  Too often, I must respond by asking for more data, as I need to understand the foundation, and big picture as to how this person has arrived to this point in their life.  Very often in many social conversation we point people in certain directions without even knowing what the “Big-Picture” is, and it is my opinion, that too often we end up sending them down a road that never answers the question for them.

If you were to walk into your local book store today, and run on over to the “Self-Help” section, you would be flabbergasted by them amount of books that claim to be able to fix just about any problem, or condition a person may be going through.  The reason these books sell so well, is due to the quick fix most of us are looking for in our lives, and don’t get me wrong, sometimes these books can make the difference.  However, in many of the people I have worked with and talked to over the years, a SELF-HELP read is not what they are looking for.

So to answer the question above – Does Self Help work without Therapy – not too often is what I have found.  As many of you who listen to my show will know…I am a big believer in communication, and one on one interaction.  I have found that most often, the problems people are dealing with in this life are something that requires not “Self-help” but “Each-others Help”.

Sadly, people today don’t like asking another person for help.  I don’t know when this started to happen, but if I was to guess, I would say that we have become more dependent on the internet in finding a solution for ourselves over the past 25 years, then to ask a fellow friend, family member or even a doctor for some clarity.  Honestly, who wants help from a book?  I certainly don’t.  I use books for reference, ideas, and research.  I can sometimes take away a valid point, or some great practices that someone else has done, but if I need an answer to a problem I am dealing with at a difficult time in my life – I will call upon someone to talk with me about my issue.

There are many books I will recommend to a person, when I understand the calamity of their situation, but I first need to know that their problem/challenge is not something that has been building and building for a decent amount of time.  Books are great for the quick and simple issue, but the “Self-Help” movement, doesn’t get to the surface of many issues that people are going through.  We as a people, need to learn to ask for help from those we trust.  And if you do not have a person like this in your life, then find someone who is trained in answering these questions for a living.  For what ever reason, the term Therapy, has taken on a weird view-point throughout time as well.  In many conversations, when we hear a person has a Therapist…we automatically think they are weak and can’t work stuff out on their own, or they have some kind of a mental issue.

I hate to say this…but majority of  folks walking this planet today, have some kind of mental issue.  We categorize the mental issues of, focus, determination, and discipline as the good issues, and label depression, anxiety, and other cognitive disorders as Bad.   It’s important to remember, that life is all about balance.  So if focus, determination, and discipline rule one’s life, there are other things that could potentially suffer – which knocks the balance of life off its preferred position.  Anything, in my opinion, that takes over a persons life I see as a potential problem, and this just stems back to the idea, that life is always looking for its balance.  There are many examples of people who push themselves so hard that they will end up worse then better.  There are also many examples of people who let depression and anxiety rule their life, and never seek treatment as well, to offset that balance in-turn becoming worse.

But the balance I am talking about you will not find within any book.  For sure there are practices and ideas from reading material, but they will never feed what the human person is usually looking for when they come into a problem or issue in their life.  Most often, people need each other to work out the issues for which I am speaking.   We need personal connection and an outlet for our obsessions, depressions, and challenges that we build during our daily walk through life.    With a world full of people, filled with talent and experience, why would you not want to tap that resource if you come to a road block in your life?  I am telling you, from experience and as one of the many people on this planet who care – and get great joy from serving others – YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO THIS ALONE.

Many of us claim to have a large amount of friends, but in reality, you many only have 1 or 2 of them that would do just about anything for you – as well as spend the countless hours making sure you are okay (and In Balance).  If you are fortunate to have such people in your life, hang on to them, as they are hard to find.  If you are a person right now who is dealing with something, and you don’t have any of these resources that are a phone call away, I suggest you find a professional therapist.  If you cannot afford a professional, then seek out – community health.  If that doesn’t work — there are many local small churches that have wonderful people, just waiting to serve your needs.

When I think of “Self-Help” I think of meditation, Yoga, exercise, and good food.  I believe those are the things you can do at a personal level to keep the balance.  I do not believe, you can solve any considerable life problem simply by going to your local book store and picking up a copy of “10 ways to get rid of depression” or “7 steps to a better life”.  Don’t get me wrong, these books have there purpose, and that purpose is more for educational and an informative platform.  But as stated above…if you feel your life is falling out of balance, and are looking for answers to get you back to your best version –  I truly believe, that your best solution is to reach out and get a dialogue with a trusty companion, friend, or professional.  All of us have a role to play in this life, and regardless if you believe a word of what I am saying or not, I know for a fact that there are people that  have come before you who have dealt with the exact same problem/challenge you are currently dealing with.   Please don’t think you are a pioneer!!

Our world today is commercialized with instant fixes that never speak to the reality of what most of humanity is actually going through.  However, this is the business of our world today, BUT you are the one making the decisions (direct or indirect).  What you choose to do, or how you plan to deal with life is entirely up to you.  How you go about your day, and figure out the balance are all embedded in the choices.   If you remember only one thing from this post, please remember this – You are not alone, and you are not a pioneer.  Self-Help is great for the things within your control, but when things get out of your control – then its time to open the door for dialogue and ask someone to have a seat with you.  Life is too short, to live in a state of quiet despiration every day. So please, open your mouth, ask for help and we can find those answers together.
Namaste!
-David S. Rollman